i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
