I'm so fucking centered right now
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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