I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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