if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
did you just send me my own nude
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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