So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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