Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This is my gift to your gina
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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