Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
