There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
