You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
