I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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