She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
