You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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