I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
