I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
