oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I would ride that face into the sunset
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
