I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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