dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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