Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize