i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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