he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
