Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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