I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
