I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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