she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
