Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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