Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize