i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
