it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
