and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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