question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
