I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
