It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
