when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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