before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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