Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
