Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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