So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
