what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
