theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
