M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
