Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
