You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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