I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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