I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
