Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize