do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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