The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
