Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
