i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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