where am i from again
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
