my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
