i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
