We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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