i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
