Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
