On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
