oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
