Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
