i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
