Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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