There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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