at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
