Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
