1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
