My Higher Power is John Stamos
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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