There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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