did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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