My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
