i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
