there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she told me i tasted like america
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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