like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize