I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
