My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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