He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Damn victory sex feels great
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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