Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
