me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize