if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
