Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
