if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
