i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
