ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So squirting runs in the family.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize