Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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