i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just pee around me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
